I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
