Too much gin, very little bucket
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
