I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize