just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
