who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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