allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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