Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
