Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
