I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
