is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
