What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
