If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
