I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
