I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
