Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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