Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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