Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
