and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
