What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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