If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
