All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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