Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
