I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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