i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize