Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
