how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize