it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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