he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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