You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
