I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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