capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
