GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
