Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
