we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
