I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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