she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this beer tastes like vomit already
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
