She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
