im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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