I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
