end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
