You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
