I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
