Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
