do herpes really smell.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
