and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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