is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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