he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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