..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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