Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
