Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
