I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
