Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize