You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So much rum. So many feels.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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