I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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