Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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