Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
