oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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