i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
