He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize