She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
