There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
