so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
