she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
