I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
