DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
