Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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