My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
