Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
