If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
