6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
