your parents love me but you hate me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
