ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
