TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
