mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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