Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
