what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
